i always say i am not afraid of death.

life has never been good to me. i know i shouldn’t complain. because this is life. and i am born this way. i could have change as i grew but i didn’t dare to. forever staying in my own little comfort zone, fantasizing the bigger world outside. blaming my family, blaming my friends.

i reflected. and i know all these flaws put me to where am i today. i shouldn’t be pointing fingers at others, because i should step out of all these unhappiness by myself.

but sometimes, you just can’t help but to compare. why others doesn’t seem to put in much effort, but they get what they wanted (or rather what you wanted) easily, or easier than you do. though i know, i am not them. i don’t know what they are going through.

i understand all these big theories.but sometimes, you just want to be a willful lil kid. whining loudly when things don’t go your way.

okay, and so back to the first point. yes, i am still not afraid of death. because this is part&parcel of life.just that it comes at different periods for different people, faster for some others.

but that’s only when it’s a quick one.

i dont want to be diagnosed with some kind of cancerous disease and then being tortured by the illness to death.

my vision is blurry. experiencing discomfort in my eye for weeks, or almost a month.

i dont want to go blind.

when will this excessive sleepiness go away?


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